Question:
I have severed ties with my mistress and returned to my family after my affair. At the beginning, I was still very confident in re-establishing trust. I know this is a long and painful process. But when faced with my wife’s repeated suspicions and the fact that things were not happening at all, I was about to collapse. Wondering how to rebuild trust after cheating? what do I do?
Answer:
You should first ask yourself if you really want to rebuild trust. Like you said: Facing my wife's suspicions again and again and squeezing things together that were not the same, I was really about to collapse. You need to understand clearly that it is you who betrayed you, who caused your wife to feel insecure, and who destroyed the trust in the marriage. And your wife's suspicions and assumptions are all normal emotional reactions of a person who has been hit by betrayal. What do you have to collapse?
Your wife should be the most devastated right now. These doubts and uneasy emotions are caused by your betrayal. You should have the awareness to accept them and help your wife relieve her emotions. Instead of breaking down first when she shows any emotion.
You are right to say that rebuilding trust is a long and painful process. You said you want to rebuild trust, but have you ever sympathized with your wife's pain? What efforts have you made to rebuild trust? Did you pay a price or receive any punishment for your betrayal? If there is none, everything you say about rebuilding trust will be ineffective.
However, you can choose to sever ties with Saner and return to your family, and you can raise this issue. I am also willing to believe that you really hope to make up for your mistakes and rebuild trust. Well, if you have a sincere and repentant heart but don’t know what to do, I can give you some suggestions:
1. Let your wife vent her emotions
First of all, let her Your wife expresses her inner negative feelings and emotions. These may be irrational doubts, anger, resentment, grievances, worries, fears, etc. You need to give her a safe and free space to let her speak out what's on her mind. This is helping her to channel her emotions, with the focus being on emotional catharsis.
Emotions are subjective feelings with no right or wrong, so don’t argue with her about what is right or wrong. If you argue with her about these “toxic” emotions, won’t you break down?
You can wait until she has vented her emotions before rationally discussing the rights and wrongs of her ideas. This step is to clean up the ruins after the earthquake. Only when the ruins are cleared can reconstruction be carried out.
Here I would like to talk about a particularly common problem that easily occurs during the return process:
When the betrayed party is hurt a lot in her heart, she actually wants to let him go. The betraying party knows and understands, but the betraying party is often unwilling to face these challenging issues, so they want to avoid them every time and always push them away.Take off:
You might start to say, I’m back now, so just turn the page and let’s live a good life in the future. Later, I became anxious, either yelling whether I was done or not, or just like the person who asked the question, I felt broken.
Their inner thoughts are: If you still don’t believe it, then there’s nothing I can do about it. You can think whatever you want!
In fact, this approach is not to treat the other party as a living person with feelings, but to hope that the other party is a controlled robot that can delete all past feelings and memories at the touch of a button. , enter the next brand-new program.
Say it yourself, is this possible?
2. Sincere apology
If you want to return to your family after cheating, you must sincerely apologize to your wife, something like this Words:
First, my attitude towards your injury: I regret hurting you very much,
Second, promise: I will never do such a thing again, < /p>
Third, compensation: I will compensate you well.
3. Guarantee with actions
The cheating is already a fact, and it is meaningless to say anything at this time. In this case, you can only prove it to your wife with actions. For example, you want your wife to know clearly what you did and how completely you broke off the extramarital woman; let her look at your mobile phone and report your whereabouts when you go out. , Don’t be impatient when facing your wife’s inspection. As long as you really have a clear conscience, you are not afraid of being investigated by your wife.
