Many people are always full of control over their significant other when in love, always wanting to control the other half. Although they have been emphasizing how much they love the other person, this is not pure love, but in the name of love. Kidnapping the other party will only make the other party feel pressured and break up. What should we do if we are too controlling in love?
People who are very controlling always think that they love the other person very much, but in fact, the more they want to get closer to the other person, the more the other person feels. The more oppression and suffocation there is, the more the relationship will become alienated.
First of all, let’s understand why the next person develops a "control freak" character in love?
In many of my consulting cases, those who have a strong desire to control their relationships have actually been in a state of lack of self-confidence and lack of recognition of their own value.
Because I don’t believe that I can have a good relationship, and subconsciously I feel that it is difficult for me to protect this relationship, so I am often in a sense of crisis, so I show a strong desire to control.
Therefore, what you have to do is to give the other party time and space to calm down first, and eliminate the other party's "cognitive solidification" of you.
During this period, what do you need to do? I suggest that during this period of calmness, you first build and demonstrate yourself, and change the other party's "cognitive anchor point" towards you. . What did the other person think of when they saw you before?
1. Pressure
2. Tension< /p>
During this period, you need to replace all the above "cognitive anchor points" with their opposite anchor points with positive meaning:
1. Sunshine
2. Attraction
These require your social dynamics to change the other person’s impression of you. Note: You must rely on the dynamics of social software, rather than going to the other party directly. Not to mention that you may not be able to control your emotions. After you go to the other party, the sense of oppression and tension will also follow.
How long is this reinvention period? Let me give you a different answer: when you no longer remember that the purpose of posting messages is to win back the other person, but just to simply share your life.
Yes, it was always the other person in your life before. Now you need to build your life well so that the other person can be with you. See yourself differently.
Wait until that time, when the other person's "cognitive anchor" for you has changed, then you can find the other person again, start as a friend, and gradually cultivate a good impression between you.
Therefore, to solve the root cause of this problem,Put your focus on yourself first. Only after you can fully be yourself can you change the image in the other person's mind. Otherwise, all your attempts will be in vain.
<img src="/uploadfile/2024/1112/20241112115740873.png" alt="A girl tests a boy"s behavior and understands his liking under the test" />